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Seasonal Affective Disorder, the Album

by Patrick O'Donnell

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    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Seasonal Affective Disorder, the Album, Cold Drinks, Then I Woke Up, Limbo, and Spleen: T.S. Eliot Reads the Wasteland and The Hollow Men. , and , .

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1.
The Disappearing Light 04:22
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Midway on the path of life I found myself in a forest As darkness returned In the next county over I heard them cheer As they lit their bonfires and looked for Someone to burn November is a shroud, everything’s started to die It’s already too late, a dirty filter coats the sky Won’t you walk with me, my friend, into the disappearing light We have long miles to go, and our task will not be slight And staying here will only leave us in the freezing grip of night Like cheeks flushed with shame As the sun fades out the drained sky Turns red You’re sure to face a sea of troubles If you leave the comfort Of your bed Cruelty and indifference will strip you ‘til your numb They’ll isolate and weaken you and wait ‘til you succumb Chorus The scarecrow twitches his tiny fingers Fat wolves wait for their prey As the filthy tide crawls in At the ending of the day Chorus
2.
Winter Isn't Coming 04:22
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The windows are frosted, the pipes are frozen The fire’s burned out, while you were dozing Winter is here, it’s already moved in It’s numbing your face and chapping your skin It’s crushed the fruit’s texture and drained all its flavor How much have we done to preserve summer’s labor? Because winter, winter, winter isn’t coming Winter, winter, winter isn’t leaving Winter, winter, winter is insisting It’s seeping in your soul Winter’s dyed the grass brown, stripped the trees like a whip In sleet you are pelted, on black ice you slip Through thin ice you crash, in cold mud you falter On the hardened earth, winter’s made a cold altar For slitting the throat of autumn’s unprepared victims While you hunker down and cling to naïve predictions Because winter, winter, winter isn’t caring Winter, winter, winter isn’t sharing Winter, winter, winter is ensnaring It’s seizing your bones Winter, winter, winter isn’t coming Winter, winter, winter isn’t leaving Winter, winter, winter is enduring It’s seeping in your soul
3.
It's a Wonderful Life 03:15
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For too many winters, in my stocking there's coal For too many mornings, just gruel in my bowl Life is grim, time's unsparing The older you think, the more it's wearing Pain will visit you, and you will obey And however it ends, there will be shame But it's a wonderful life It's a wonderful life I've been living like a dead man, racking up new debts I can't repay While in my ears carols sweetly drip and urge me to end it all today I've stopped waiting for some ingenue Who‘ll open my heart like a rose unbruised With a look to make this world feel new That tells me all these feelings will be unrefused Chorus And what's so wonderful, I hear you say With this brutality and callousness and greed on display And the superficial friendliness that hides the cold indifference To savage acts of selfishness slathered with praise But we're breathing and we're feeling and we've got our rage And the irrational hope we can make something great Chorus I said, it's a wonderful life Yeah, it's a wonderful life Oh, it’s a wonderful life
4.
Mademoiselle Joyeuse Noëlle (featuring Désirée Giorgetti) 04:39
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It was an ordinary Christmas Eve Without hope, without joy, without prayers Mr. Walker and I mulled our fate by the tree When the needle dropped on the record player Ooh là là Un deux trois Yé-yé bébé Viens à moi I woke to the clatter and what did I see She wore short red shorts and a green camisole She turned with the music and pointed at me And shimmied as she mouthed, “I want some sugar in my bowl” Mademoiselle Joyeuse Noëlle M’a rendu une visite exceptionelle Drôle, vivace, elegante, et belle Mademoiselle Joyeuse Noëlle Her eyes were alight, her cheeks were merry She beckoned with her finger for me to draw near As I arose, she cocked her red beret Then leaned in close and whispered in my ear: Ooh là là Un deux trois Yé-yé bébé Bouge avec moi A lexicon was unnecessary From the way she moved as we danced real slow Then she took me by the hand and said “Alors, cheri – Tu ne veux pas voir ton cadeux?” Mademoiselle Joyeuse Noëlle M’a rendu une visite exceptionelle Gentille, curieuse, intelligent, et belle Mademoiselle Joyeuse Noëlle With a wink of her eye and a twist of her hips My stocking was filled – who could resist it? Before I could speak she put her finger to my lips And pushed me back down as she insisted: Ooh là là Donne le moi Merci cheri Encore une fois Elle était un cliche De mon désir et désespoir Pour ces choses banales, on ne merite rien Mais si arrivent des miracles, je prendrai le mien Mademoiselle Joyeuse Noëlle M’a rendu une visite exceptionelle C’a n’était pas qu’une liaison spirituelle Mademoiselle Joyeuse Noëlle
5.
Can You Justify 07:11
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Everybody have a good time Everybody get down (x2) Gonna live it up Go out on the town Why shouldn’t you celebrate Another shit year going down? Gonna get a little drunk Gonna get a little high Maybe you can just communicate “Hey, I’m alive” You’ll be missing out if you stay home Why is it New Year’s Eve makes you feel so alone? The big man at the door Knows you’re not on the list But you’ve been waiting so long You’ve just got to get in His eyes becomes more icy The more you persist You’re wasting his time and all these people’s time And finally he spits Can you justify Can you justify Can you justify your existence? (2x) What do you have to show for yourself? What do you mean to anyone else? Everybody have a good time Everybody get down (x2) Everybody’s here to celebrate But they’re not celebrating you How is it they don’t recognize The wonder that is you? Your body is a prison Self-consciousness a shiv To make a real connection Oh, what you wouldn’t give You made it through another hard year on this earth Why is it revelry that asks, “What are you worth?” So you walk up to the bar And you order a drink Your turn to your neighbor And ask her what she thinks About the year that’s ended And what she’s hoping for She responds with a withering look that makes you Want to melt into the floor Chorus You may not have a large bank account You may not have connections in the right part of town You may not have a high credit score You may not have your name on the nightclub’s clipboard You may not have the right style or looks You may not have the followers or a talked about book You may not have a luxury condo or car You may not have a visa or a valid green card You may have nothing to show for yourself You may not mean anything to anyone else But your existence is your right So won’t someone please help you to make it through the night? Chorus Can you justify Can you justify Can you justify your existence? Can you justify Can you justify Can you justify? Everybody have a good time Everybody get down
6.
The Only Thing New 03:07
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Life is very short and Life is very long Perceptions linked by memory In a spiral wrapped around A dark and growing evergreen Whose ends cannot be seen At each elusive now The light of chance shines free I’ll try to savor this singularity Try to draw it close to true Try to crack this feeling open And share its meat with you The only thing new is this moment A fulcrum to shift all time A reminder in each revolution We hold a lever in our lives As the upward strand recedes The next branch no longer clear We continue sliding onwards Unperceptive in our fear Our habit and our history Elide the thing that glimmers But wonder feels possibility In what vibrates, in what shimmers I’ll try to hold this moment open Try to hold it and consider Try to make something beautiful Something less bitter Chorus
7.
Your Epiphany 03:44
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Fatuous and proud, Gabriel Conroy thought he understood his wife As the snow faintly fell, he learned he knew nothing at all of her inner life What grief was buried in her heart What love was branded on her eyes He was not a little shaken but There was solace in that at last he’d realized No such luck for you Your epiphany: There is no epiphany (x2) You’re just an ignorant animal fumbling in the dark Hoping your wounds add up to something more than scars That mistakes will lead to something more than failure That out of your pain, understanding comes a savior Scraping random stones together and not getting a spark You crave that flash of insight, that sign from the stars but No such luck for you Chorus (x2) Money and drugs were the magi’s gifts Had they thought this thing through when they decided on their trip? Were they wasted at a party, their decision just a blur? What’s a baby to do with gold, frankincense, and myrrh? Did they question their judgment when they followed a star To find a broke-ass couple with a newborn in a barn? You’ve had your share of drugs and money and life’s fine things When you’re through with all of it, what wisdom did it bring? Chorus (x4)
8.
Dreadful February 03:51
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There’s a reason why Dante locked Satan in ice The reason’s called February A sunless prison, a damp dreary place How miserable? I’d say, very! The unrelenting cold and grey Is it really necessary? This is why I’d prefer To sleep through February (x2) Lifeless, stonelike, sullen It’s the year’s own cemetery Short but not short enough Is dreadful February (x2) Though I’m craving some escape The weather makes me wary The thought of going out in it’s Enough to make one sedentary Vistas become atrophied Ambitions slowly buried This is why I’d prefer To sleep through February (x2) All this rumination While I stew here inside Erodes determination Like mice chewing through my mind Chorus
9.
Darkened Day 05:04
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Darkened day Darkened night The slow extinguishing Of warmth and light The closing in The shutting out Grey and disheveled Sunken in the couch Am I alive? What the hell for? You’d all be happier If I just shut the door In a dark mirror The image is clear You’d all be better off If I – I – disappeared The world will revolve And lengthen daylight But the dimness of now Will still crowd my sight Merely outlasting For this I should pray? Darkened night Darkened day Am I alive? What the hell for? You’d all be happier If I just sealed the door In a dark mirror The image is clear You’d all be better off If I – I – disappeared
10.
Waiting for Winter to End 04:57
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Waiting for Winter to End In fall I looked forward to this blanket falling Like a gift of ephemeral innocence But where once we walked with words entwined Snow's silently erased our footprints Outside it's as cold As a lover's indifference And I'm waiting for winter To end There's snow on the trees on the first day of spring And I'm waiting for winter to end The wind cuts through me like a mandolin Waiting for winter to end Inside's inviting, but I'm not invited in Waiting for winter To end As snow drifted downward, it seemed you were kinder A soft coating of ice could make you more warm But I guess it was just the flask passed between us Before you retreat and the hope is forlorn Sky's grey like slush, snow stings like regret And it's cold as a mother's scorn Waiting for winter To end Chorus There was no one day, no one meeting No one missing response that brought me here Just the crush of the clouds and snow accumulating Freezing my face off in the falling temperature In the never-ending winter, never finding a cure Vanity says it's approach and timing Too much or too late When from me you coldly turn your cheek At the gate Maybe it was only a strange attraction Mad chance brought together our lips And when in bed I asked Whose body is this? Yours, you replied It was only you dreaming Mad coincidence Sky’s grey like slush, snow stings like regret And it's cold as a mother's scorn I finally give up on something tender rekindling As the swirling whiteness envelops your form And obliterates My significance It's as cold outside As a lover's indifference And I'm waiting for winter Chorus
11.
Persephone 04:00
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The ground is almost as hard as a board Still I take this spade and cut it Chop it, turn it, spread manure To buried seeds apply all the art I’ve studied Now I water And I wait And hope for life In what I cultivate Hope’s not a plan, nor is it art Not really faith, still an essential part There’s a feeling, compulsion, implicit belief Maybe just the doing is just therapy There’s a reason why they’re called mysteries So I keep digging at the darkness’ edge And I wait For Persephone

about

2020 is nearly at an end, but the troubles of this year – the coronavirus pandemic, recession, police murder of black people and abuse of protestors, the steady undermining of democracy – remain.

Soon, whether we want it or not, we will be inundated with Christmas carols and other songs blithely celebrating winter. Festive music will follow us like the Furies, insisting we be happy when the weather and current events incline many of us towards outrage, anxiety, and depression.

Even at the best of times, winter can beat you down. The end of the year and the lack of life outside help create a sense of reckoning that other seasons do not (and how many of us are not found wanting?) We celebrate the onset of winter because to endure it requires a counter-effort, but forced celebration creates a new burden, leaving little room for the expression of sadness or loss or anger. Burying these emotions underneath a manic display of elation just leads to more alienation.

And that’s all before the stark decline in the state of our polity over the last four years. We’ve been headed here for forty years, but the ascension of *****, who is the apotheosis of the Republican “I’ve got mine, fuck you” ethos; the naked support for white supremacy, which is also the elevation of mediocrity and abhorrent behavior; the primacy of party power over duty and competence; the sheer lawlessness; and the complete disregard for the truth have brought this country to a new low point.

In the fall of 2016, I found I had a couple of winter songs and decided to see if I could write some more. At the beginning of November 2016, I started working on a song about the change in the weather - you know, leaves turning, days getting shorter, the air getting colder, nights getting darker. Then ***** got elected, and the song got a lot darker, and turned into the first track on this album, “The Disappearing Light”. The rest of the songs follow the calendar from winter to spring, and while the intent was to make a record that wasn’t a complete downer, to find some hope in things, the mood of the times could not be avoided. The country has become a colder and darker place over the last four years, and while (fingers crossed) it looks like we may be moving out of that place, in some form, that darkness will still persist.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is a record for people who, at least sometimes, may not be so psyched about winter and the holidays. It’s unlikely the songs will fit on many shopping mall playlists, but maybe someone will find an approximation of their own mood in it.

credits

released December 4, 2020

Paul Brandenburg: Trumpet on track 4
Désirée Giorgetti: Vocals on track 4
Peter Hess: Saxophones on tracks 4 & 5
Gloria Jolivet: Backing vocals on tracks 3, 4, 5, & 6
Keith Robinson: Percussion and glockenspiel
George Rush: Electric bass and upright and bowed bass
Patrick O’Donnell: Guitars, accordion, keyboard, and vocals

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Patrick O'Donnell New York, New York

In 1994, Patrick O’Donnell founded the independent label Škoda Records, based in Washington, DC, which was active through the early 2000’s (most notably releasing records by the Czech band Už Jsme Doma). Seasonal Affective Disorder, the Album, is his fourth solo album. He lives in New York City. ... more

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